Volume VI · Issue 1 February 8, 2010

Wisdom Connoisseur™ Ezine

This free monthly online publication is your voice of clarity on weight loss™

Current Issue
Ezine Archive
Article Archive

When you’re raised in a household governed by two parents with a military background, there’s not much opportunity for emotional expression. In fact, I don’t recall emotions being afforded much value at all. And so from an early age, mine were boxed up and put on the back shelf.

In pursuing my career, so long as I was investing in and receiving praise for my intellect, it was easy to ignore the “soft skills”. I mean how useful are things like empathy and sensitivity in the workplace anyway? Turns out, hugely.

I remember a rigorous interview process I was going through one time, where my interviewers were sharing feedback they had received from my references. “They said you were very direct”. I laughed out loud — not the expected response when you’re parked at the end of an imposing boardroom table and six others are scrutinizing you. “You don’t understand” I explained, “I used to be called blunt...direct is an improvement!”

For the longest time, I wore my bluntness as a badge of honour, a quality of someone who spoke her mind. I was also proud of the one-word moniker most people had for me: strength. Looking back, I see now that I was the “consummate professional” in my carefully-orchestrated roles and with my well-crafted speeches but there was no aliveness in any of it. My bluntness was simply an avoidance of emotions that I feared would overwhelm me; my strength simply an avoidance of perceived weakness. There was no room to be human.

I know now that things like kindness and compassion are essential in all matters and they represent a more authentic source of strength. And I’m especially pleased with the new one-word moniker people have for me: grounded. I know when people see this in me, they’re acknowledging the intellect that got me this far but also the emotional capacity that now balances it.

My feature article for this issue is the third in a series that examines how brain function affects change. In the words of Duke Ellington "I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues." All emotions have a distinguishing energy and physiology about them. Channelling these in a productive way will give you the balance you need to enable your weight loss.

With reverence,

kb signature

Coach Kath

Current Offering: A 12-week pod coaching teleclass is now underway on Mondays from 6:30pm - 7:45pm Eastern through April 5, 2010. There are two spots left if you wish to join the group in progress. The fee of $425 CAD will be reduced to reflect this and you’ll have access to the 4 recordings completed to date.

Here’s a taste of what you can expect — it’s an excerpt from our week 2 recording that introduces the 10 concepts we’re covering and provides detail on a piece called the Awareness Journal:
http://www.audioacrobat.com/play/WK5fvYYQ
Running time: 40:07 minutes

To register, call 905-257-3543 or email WCezine@consciousweightloss.com

Your Brain and Change: Part 3 Emotions

There’s an interesting phenomenon that happens when I begin working with each new client — the people in their life begin to notice a kind of “glow” about them. But this happens far sooner than any significant weight loss so what exactly is it they’re noticing? It’s the energy shift the client is making from operating on autopilot, to being engaged in their life again. More specifically, it’s the reconnection with their emotions, after years of disregarding or coping with them. This article is the third in a series that examines how brain function affects change.

Emotions are a sign of aliveness. Most people operate within a narrow range of emotional experience, making strong or unfamiliar emotions potentially overwhelming. To have emotional capacity is to allow yourself to experience and express the full range of all of your emotions, not just the degree or type that you deem to be acceptable. To accept your humanness in this way is a large part of your inner work.

Emotions are also a sign of alignment. Every emotion you experience releases a matching chemical from your brain into your bloodstream, which creates a predictable physiological feeling in your body. These feelings can then help you determine if you’re moving towards (congruent) or moving away from (incongruent) what you say you want. Essentially, you get what you feel in life.

Our emotions are triggered at an unconscious level by a lesser evolved part of our brain known as the limbic system, which dutifully functions but never matures. We actually need the executive functions of our more recently evolved pre-frontal cortex to bring reason to these emotional events, to move us from self-preserving reactions to more considered responses.

As a parent, one of the most important skills you can teach your child is how to process their emotions. Unfortunately, we don’t have to look far for evidence that most of us were never modelled or taught this ourselves. I cringe every time I see a child in an emotionally charged state and the parent circumventing this process by offering up a popsicle. In the years to come that child will struggle to unlearn those food associations.

So, skip the grief and practice the following:

Step 1: Be compassionate with your default emotion

Based on your wiring, you will naturally default to one of three key emotions: anxiety, anger or shame. Remember, this stems from an unconscious trigger — an innocent, childlike part of your brain — it’s not something to be judged.

Step 2: Acknowledge and be with the emotion

Regardless what emotion presents, name it and let the thoughts and feeling come rather than try to suppress them. Suppressing them is like stifling a yawn — your body will still attempt to complete the process that has been started.

Step 3: Pause for the emotional wave

It takes less than 90 seconds to go from trigger point, to chemical surge, to having these flushed out of your bloodstream again. Most things you do or say that require an apology later generally happen during this wave so sit tight.

Step 4: Choose if you wish to continue the emotion

At this point, you’re “at choice”. If you continue to experience an emotion, it’s because you’ve chosen to trigger it via your thoughts again… and again. For example, fear is unavoidable at times but to stay in it is a cognitive choice.

Emotional regulation is about channelling the energy of your emotions in a productive way. It’s striking a balance between observing what your limbic system is presenting and engaging your pre-frontal cortex in perceiving your emotional experience. Without this, you’ll tend to suffer through your emotions or dampen them altogether, often through the use of food or other substances. As you practice these simple steps, more and more people in your life may begin to notice and ask “Did you do something different with your hair?”

Exquisite Chocolate

Action Item

Summary

Emotions are a sign of aliveness.
To have emotional capacity is to allow yourself to experience and express the full range of all of your emotions.
Emotions are also a sign of alignment.
Every emotion you experience releases a matching chemical from your brain into your bloodstream, which creates a predictable physiological feeling in your body.
Our emotions are triggered at an unconscious level by a lesser evolved part of our brain known as the limbic system.
We actually need the executive functions of our more recently evolved pre-frontal cortex to bring reason to these emotional events.
Based on your wiring, you will naturally default to one of three key emotions: anxiety, anger or shame.
Regardless what emotion presents, name it and let the thoughts and feeling come rather than try to suppress them.
It takes less than 90 seconds to go from trigger point, to chemical surge, to having these flushed out of your bloodstream again.
If you continue to experience an emotion, it’s because you’ve chosen to trigger it via your thoughts again… and again.
Emotional regulation is about channeling the energy of your emotions in a productive way.

Did this article whet your appetite for more? Sign up to become a wisdom connoisseur!

This ezine has wisdom connoisseurs in over 10 countries: Australia, Brazil, Canada, Israel, Kuwait, Malawi, South Africa, Switzerland, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom, United States.