It happens with amazing predictability…I see dieters streaming out of their weekly support group meeting and making a beeline for the nearest donut shop or some other favourite haunt. “Why not?” they ask themselves. Afterall, they’ve just put themselves through some serious deprivation these last few days to hit their mark on the scale and they’re feeling entitled to a significant indulgence. Another scenario gives us a glimpse of exercisers procrastinating on their activity until the latter part of their week, where they pull out all the stops to shoehorn it in. It’s not unusual to see them reward their extraordinary efforts with an indulgence, sometimes enough to cancel out all their hard work.

What’s wrong with these pictures? They’re classic examples of people who are negotiating their weight loss rather than earning it. Does it really matter, if the end game looks the same? Absolutely! Because there’s a qualitative difference in how each one feels and that difference correlates directly to how long we will sustain our efforts.

For the person who is negotiating their weight loss, there’s a sense of incongruency (being indecisive and easily swayed), where they inherently know the choices they’re making are not in their best interests. Much of their energy goes into trying to “beat the system” – rationalizations that ask “how can I get away with this now by making up for it later?” For these people, notions of cheating, sneaking and guilt permeate their actions as they bounce between behavioural extremes, turning their efforts into a constant battle.

For the person who is earning their weight loss, there’s a sense of congruency (being solid and at choice), an intentional focus they bring to the moment along with a relaxed resourcefulness. Their energy is all about “honouring the system” – a truthfulness they practice that invites imperfection while still maintaining their accountability. These people embrace treats and activity – they realize everything’s accessible and do-able – but they practice this in a mindful way that doesn’t lead to indulgence. Their efforts are characterized by a guilt-free ease that the negotiating mindset can’t even imagine.

If you have a negotiating mindset, you’re vulnerable to the Indulgence-Guilt-Deprivation cycle. For example, an indulgence always begins with a rationalization, which is generally related to a sense of entitlement, which is giving yourself something you haven’t truly earned. Indulging in things you haven’t earned always brings guilt. Imagine the credit card you may have gotten a little overzealous with - it’s the same thing. And just like that credit card, you’ll be paying back this indulgence with interest. So to compensate, you attempt to deprive yourself but this extreme leads you right back to indulgence.