Legacy Issues We Bring to Weight Loss
By the time we grow up and venture forth from our families, we’ve already received a large part of our inheritance. No, I’m not talking about money or property bequeathed to us. I’m talking about something more immaterial…the style or philosophies passed on to us that have shaped our relationship with food.
None of us are immune to legacies – the environmental conditioning we experience within our families – but most of us are unaware just how much these can complicate our relationship with food. Without legacies, eating is purely for fueling the body. Left to our own devices as children, we would develop a natural relationship with food; choosing to eat when we were truly hungry; stopping when we were clearly satisfied; and able to discern and respond appropriately to our cravings. However, this is easier said than done. Food is often used as a means to reward, punish, comfort or celebrate, spawning a myriad of learned associations that take us further and further away from our natural choices.
At the root of every legacy issue lies a belief that drives our behaviour. For example, most people have a significant legacy issue around finishing everything on their plate (surface message: don’t be wasteful, there are starving children in the world). What’s intriguing is that your ability to release yourself from this legacy is directly proportionate to your success with weight loss. Why? Because as long as this legacy rules your life, you’re reinforcing an underlying belief that says “food is more valuable than weight loss”.
Another common legacy issue I see is around accepting the offer of food from others (surface message: food is an expression of love, don’t reject it). Most people feel obligated to eat because they’re afraid they might offend someone. But think about the powerful, underlying belief at work here that’s interfering with your weight loss…“it’s worse to be rude than fat”. Learning to honour the expression behind the food, as well as honouring yourself, requires some candid life skills but makes the obligation to eat a moot point.
Legacies are portable, in that they influence us long after we leave the nest. They continue until they merge or clash with another person’s legacies, in which case they’re either strengthened or diluted. In my case, my family’s negative health legacies had me engaging my partner’s sweet tooth a little too often. Fortunately, his family’s positive health legacies engaged my interest in biking, giving us something beyond cheesecake to enjoy together. Ultimately, my negative tendencies were diluted by my partner’s positive influence as well as the conscious choices I now make around them.
Which brings us to the good news…we don’t have to wait for a personal trainer to come galloping in on a white horse. We can interrupt and rewrite our legacies if we choose. Pavlov’s dog tells us there are laws to these conditioned reflexes, meaning that if the associations we carry around food were learned, they can be unlearned. The key is to identify the triggers – the environmental events – that led to these associations in the first place and then question our framing of these events that has allowed the legacies to continue.
By “removing the unnecessary”, we bring our relationship with food back to a level of simplicity and ease…and isn’t that a far more valuable inheritance to pass on to our children?
This ezine has wisdom connoisseurs in over 10 countries: Australia, Brazil, Canada, Israel, Kuwait, Malawi, South Africa, Switzerland, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom, United States.