Imagine a large, looming presence that shows up wherever you go – a presence that brings an unspoken tension into the room. This presence has an undeniable affect on others but nobody ever talks about it. Now imagine each and every one of us bringing our own version of this presence into the room with us. Getting a bit crowded?

This presence is our elephant in the room. The elephant is our greatest truth with a capital “T”. It permeates every aspect of our life and we have a sense that all our other truths are connected to and lead back to this. The elephant is that which we want most of all in life. We each have a different name for it but it’s always something positive and deeply meaningful in that it holds both achievement and fulfillment for us. And yet, it’s the very thing we repeatedly sabotage ourselves around. Welcome to the human experience.

What you may not realize is that you carry negative associations around your elephant that keep it at bay. These associations may stem from earlier life experiences but they’re more often imagined fears…fears that automatically take you into the downward spiral of sabotage. What’s really frustrating is there have been times you’ve made progress with your elephant. However, it tends to be in spite of yourself and only just enough to get a tormenting taste of what you’re missing.

Those that struggle with their weight often ask me if their elephant is weight loss. It’s not a surprising question since so much of their identity has been tied up with their excess weight and they’ve put so much of their lives on hold as a result. But I tell them no, you must look deeper. Ask yourself what you believe weight loss would enable in your life and the lives you touch. Your answer will give you clues to your elephant.

To reveal your elephant, consider the one area of your life that has always been elusive to you. Hint: look for that which would make you feel both adrenalized excitement and overwhelming fear if it was to manifest. Then consider the varied and sophisticated ways you sabotage around this topic. It may bring you to sadness (what have I done?), doubt (who am I anyway?), or even tears (am I worthy of this?) to seriously reflect on your elephant but these are all indications that you’ve revealed it.

Sabotaging around your elephant has paralyzing consequences. It stops your growth and robs you of your greatest source of satisfaction in life. It’s part of your soul, an aliveness you’ve been slowly killing off for years. It’s an emptiness in your expression that stares back at you in the mirror as you wonder what happened to the life you dreamed of.