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A Return to Our Essence

Think of the most memorable person you know. What comes to mind is not what they look like or how much they weigh. Your thoughts will focus on their essence. Our core values - what we place importance on and assign meaning to in our lives - reflect our authentic self. How we live, breathe and express our authentic self is our essence.

This is more profound than just personality. This distillation of self comes down to that vital, indispensable quality, a lifeblood elixir, that truly captures you and absolutely captivates others. It’s a way of “being and doing”, a presence you naturally exude that defines your impact on others and the world around you. And it’s an unwavering place deep within that we all yearn to return to.

Because every time we admit to straying or holding ourselves back in life, we must also admit to not fully expressing our essence. For every time we find ourselves posturing or faking it, we will also find ourselves expressing someone we’re not. It’s like going through life with the wrong title on a well-crafted business card. Believable but not convincing.

Living a life “less than” means everything you touch and everyone you interact with receives “less than” your full, true essence. You are giving only a pale version of what’s really possible for yourself, only a narrow slice of your potential. Think about this the next time you spread yourself so thin and move so far out of alignment with who you know yourself to be inside…when you let your energy and identity deplete to the point where you feel and look unrecognizable to yourself. No matter how hard you work, your persistent sense of fraud never allows you to own your successes and the house of cards you’ve built is waiting to tumble from the lightest wind of criticism or self-doubt.

You must step out of your performance mode or people-pleasing role in order to see the truth of your situation. It’s about having the humility to concede when your choices have become foreign to you. This includes and especially applies to your sabotaging behaviours. Telling the truth at this point is an act of vulnerability. Fear in doing so is solely about judgement but doing so promises us release – a liberation of our thought and deed – a return to our essence.

Returning to our essence means having the confidence to put ourselves out into the world as a work in progress and feeling the joy of rediscovering ourselves along the way. We begin to preserve and enhance that which we choose to keep as we gratefully acknowledge and let go of the rest. Many of my clients initially worry about revealing themselves, thinking that in peeling back these layers of life experience they may not like who they uncover. So let me assure you there is no sense of disappointment in revealing ourselves. Our essence is and can only be irresistible!

We see it first in the brightness of a person’s eyes – those amazing windows to the soul. We see it spread to a glow on their face and finally manifest as a shine within and throughout their body. We look at them and think “Oooh, I want some of that”. One more thing…our authentic self and unwavering essence have no need for excess weight. That’s because the deepest fibre of our soul is being expressed and utilized, giving us a sense of fulfillment that no food we reach for could ever achieve. It ignites a passion and energy from within that eclipses all other hungers. “Oooh, don’t you want some of that?”

Action Item

Action Item

To distill to your essence, consider your way of “being and doing” that feels totally and completely effortless for you. Hint: don’t confuse this with your broader profession or role. It will be deeper and more specific, something at a core values level, a way that you experience the world with ease that others struggle with.

It may be such a seamless thing that you don’t even notice it or give yourself credit for it until it’s pointed out to you by others. Or it could be something you’ve already stumbled upon and have been fortunate enough to work into how you contribute to others.

Either way, your essence is something that others experience in each and every interaction with you and take away with them as your impact. This impact is what makes you memorable to them.

Here’s a handful of questions to help you, using my own examples:

What am I able to see that others can’t?

e.g., patterns

What would others miss about me?

e.g., insight

What do I need to express every day?

e.g., clarity (this is my essence)

How did this show up in my childhood?

e.g., writing

How does this factor into my life today?

e.g., ezine!

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